We're very politically aware here at Swearing Mansions. Too politically aware. That's why you have me making up Bertie Ahern-inspired ditties, bursting at the seams with rage and sulky vitriol (it's up to you to decide whether I'm talking about the ditties or myself). And it's why you have the Swearing Gentleman bringing up depressing facts on the shaky state of the world at the most inopportune times, like during my mother's viewing of Eastenders, or over the Christmas turkey; he mutters away, gloomily, like a deranged uncle you might secret away in an attic.
In fact, just recently these political concerns crossed the generation gap and into the mind of MiniMe, who turns five in December.
"Mummy," says she. "I don't want the Americans to take over Ireland."
As I was walking her to school at the time I had nothing to choke on but fresh air; still, I managed an admirable splutter.
"What are you like?" I cried. "The Americans aren't going to invade Ireland! Whatever gave you that idea?"
"But Mummy! What's stopping them? We have blanket bogs*!"
So you see, political discussion is never far from any conversation that takes place in the Swearing Mansions. It's amazing how The Swearing Gent can turn any mundane word-swappage into something about nuclear policies in North Korea or some such.
"I love that ad with yer wan squeezing the cranberries!" I might say.
"You know where you get cranberries?" TSG will reply. "AMERICA. You know what else comes from America? George Bush!"
"So they're calling Posh and Beck's house Beckingham Palace," I may snort.
"What's that?" TSG will cry. "Greg Palast?"
"Look at that herd of cattle," TSG might point out, as we take a leisurely drive through the countryside.
"Ahern of Cattle? I know! That cunt and her cunting book deals! And as for the shite that fathered her, don't get me started..."
We're not far from monocles and port in the library, I think. Knowing our lack of sophistication it might be the public library, but desperate times, etc.
ANYWAY, if you too are inflicted by global political interest, I don't recommend going to see Little Miss Sunshine. Although it's every bit as good as the reviews suggest, there is a wee problem with this man, who adeptly plays Uncle Frank...
Because last I checked, the cunt was running Iran.
*I may have made this part up.
In fact, just recently these political concerns crossed the generation gap and into the mind of MiniMe, who turns five in December.
"Mummy," says she. "I don't want the Americans to take over Ireland."
As I was walking her to school at the time I had nothing to choke on but fresh air; still, I managed an admirable splutter.
"What are you like?" I cried. "The Americans aren't going to invade Ireland! Whatever gave you that idea?"
"But Mummy! What's stopping them? We have blanket bogs*!"
So you see, political discussion is never far from any conversation that takes place in the Swearing Mansions. It's amazing how The Swearing Gent can turn any mundane word-swappage into something about nuclear policies in North Korea or some such.
"I love that ad with yer wan squeezing the cranberries!" I might say.
"You know where you get cranberries?" TSG will reply. "AMERICA. You know what else comes from America? George Bush!"
"So they're calling Posh and Beck's house Beckingham Palace," I may snort.
"What's that?" TSG will cry. "Greg Palast?"
"Look at that herd of cattle," TSG might point out, as we take a leisurely drive through the countryside.
"Ahern of Cattle? I know! That cunt and her cunting book deals! And as for the shite that fathered her, don't get me started..."
We're not far from monocles and port in the library, I think. Knowing our lack of sophistication it might be the public library, but desperate times, etc.
ANYWAY, if you too are inflicted by global political interest, I don't recommend going to see Little Miss Sunshine. Although it's every bit as good as the reviews suggest, there is a wee problem with this man, who adeptly plays Uncle Frank...
Because last I checked, the cunt was running Iran.
*I may have made this part up.
12 comments:
Oooh I do want to see it though....even if he does look a bit dodgy.
Have you seen Children of Men
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206634/
Jaysis, watchit. You'll give yourself ahernia if you're not careful.
It's very funny and I laughed louder than everyone except for the man two seats away from me.
What a perceptive little Clone you have.
I just used the word "vitriol" on my blog. Thief.
Did no one tell you, it's a qualification for running Iran and developing their nuclear power capacity... you have to be (at least) a 40 year-old virgin...
Your man looks like he really wants to give in and give that Vulcan "Live long and prosper" sign. He's a secret Trekkie. Probably has a stuffed tribble.
Birchsprite: No. Althought I hear it's worth it. I do have this slight problem with Clive Owen, though. As in I hate him and want him to spontaneously combust.
Kav: You are a clever, clever boy. I'd be in awe but I'm all up to my ears with my own awesomness.
Sandra: This happened to my mate as well. She went to see it and kept getting distracted by this guffawing woman sitting behind her! It'd be gas if your wan was laughing at her hair or something instead, like if there was birdshit on it or something.
Conan: Ooh. You're as clever as Kav today. Ye're Klavar, ye are. Well done. Lollipops for all!
Fat Sparrow: It wouldn't surprise me. Sure isn't Kim Jong Il a great fan of Friday the 13th and Halloween and all that shite?
And Niolk: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON AND FUCK ITS PARENTS AND THE STABLE AND WHOEVER BUILT IT AND ALL.
I hadn't noticed the utter similarity between the two, but it is striking ... thanks for a good laugh
Awww, tell your poor worried little one that Ireland doesn't need to worry--the scary Americans will have their hands full taking over Canada and all of our oil stocks and fresh water and marijuana. (Well, maybe leave out that last bit.)
I will go see Little Miss Sunshine based on your recommendation; I love a good political drama. :^)
Dear Swearing Lady:
I notice a new picture on your blog. I hadn't realized you were that beautiful.
Your little one is quite right to worry. In fact, you know that birthday trip I took this summer to the Bord na Mona railway bog tour in Offaly? It was an advanced scouting mission. I've sent my report and now it's just a matter of time.
Reel Fanatic: You're most, most welcome.
whyioughtta: Mocking is catching. And yes, Little Miss Sunshine really makes you look at Iran in a more compassionate light. Fair play, etc.
OOOOH, yes, Ann. I know your game. Murdering spiders and spying on the Paddies; it's all in a say's work for you, isn't it? ISN'T IT?
And er... thanks, Joseph. Ooo-er.
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