So the whole world (ie: a percentage of the Oirish Blog O'Sphere) is on about women bloggers. Mary Gilmartin has compiled a list of bloggers with boobs, and over at the Irish Blog Awards blog there's a wee discussion about whether or not having a category speshully for the ladeez is a good idea. Sorry for all the zany spellings, but I'm still in shock after finding out there are blogs dedicated to knitting. Wowsa! I tried knitting a bag once and I accidentally threw the finished product into the fire. All that "plain one perl one" for nothing. The Mad Scientist knitted a bag once too, but she sewed it up the wrong way and made it into a sock. Maybe I hang around with the wrong people. Forget I said anything.
Anyway. Why is it that whenever someone with a vagina does anything except moan about the toilet seat or pop out babbies, everyone gets out the bells and whistles and runs around after her, attaching them to her protesting limbs? Especially if she's a young person; it seems that you can't do anything of note in Ireland as a young woman without someone making a gentle point about your looks and sticking a "Well Done, Sure You Could Have Been Barbie" hat on your head. It's all "I am woman! Hear me simper and ovulate!" Look at any arts and culture article about a gurl, or a business profile, and the fact that she is one of the Wimmin will be pointed out lovingly. Christ, stop making a big deal out of it! Sometimes women feel like Doing Things; it's not all that shocking!
(Had Christ been a woman, I imagine there'd have been a lot of articles about her sacrificing family life and being very handy with loaves and fishes... like Martha Stewart with hairy eyebrows.)
I don't fit into the profile of the Modern Irish Lass anyhoos. I'm not a legal secretary. I don't like Frappuccinos. I don't have seven thousand pairs of shoes. I hate chick-lit. I hate chick flicks. I don't need to eat chocolate. I don't like Smirnoff Ice. I've never been to Curves or Shapes or RoundyBits or whatever the shite it's called. I think Westlife should be taken out and kneecapped.
Now, you may think that none of those little points are exclusive to me, and you'd be right! Would you look at that?! Women are a diverse bunch! Some of them hate babies and play over 18s video games and like Korean cinema and exercise only when they lift their fags to their mouths. Some wimmin even DRINK PINTS. I know! I know! It's a funny place, VaginaLand! It even has broadband and you can blog from there!
Oh, and by the way. The first person who points out that my last post was about make-up gets a free Chinese Burn. Hurry while stocks last!
Anyway. Why is it that whenever someone with a vagina does anything except moan about the toilet seat or pop out babbies, everyone gets out the bells and whistles and runs around after her, attaching them to her protesting limbs? Especially if she's a young person; it seems that you can't do anything of note in Ireland as a young woman without someone making a gentle point about your looks and sticking a "Well Done, Sure You Could Have Been Barbie" hat on your head. It's all "I am woman! Hear me simper and ovulate!" Look at any arts and culture article about a gurl, or a business profile, and the fact that she is one of the Wimmin will be pointed out lovingly. Christ, stop making a big deal out of it! Sometimes women feel like Doing Things; it's not all that shocking!
(Had Christ been a woman, I imagine there'd have been a lot of articles about her sacrificing family life and being very handy with loaves and fishes... like Martha Stewart with hairy eyebrows.)
I don't fit into the profile of the Modern Irish Lass anyhoos. I'm not a legal secretary. I don't like Frappuccinos. I don't have seven thousand pairs of shoes. I hate chick-lit. I hate chick flicks. I don't need to eat chocolate. I don't like Smirnoff Ice. I've never been to Curves or Shapes or RoundyBits or whatever the shite it's called. I think Westlife should be taken out and kneecapped.
Now, you may think that none of those little points are exclusive to me, and you'd be right! Would you look at that?! Women are a diverse bunch! Some of them hate babies and play over 18s video games and like Korean cinema and exercise only when they lift their fags to their mouths. Some wimmin even DRINK PINTS. I know! I know! It's a funny place, VaginaLand! It even has broadband and you can blog from there!
Oh, and by the way. The first person who points out that my last post was about make-up gets a free Chinese Burn. Hurry while stocks last!
22 comments:
Don't get me started.
Too late.
I read people who are good writers whether they have a vagina, a cock, both or neither.
This "oh the gatekeepers are making it look like a boys club" shite that blew up over the weekend has me steaming. What next, affirmative action quotas to get the wee lassies writing? And shur aren't they great.
In any case, who the hell is to say that Twenty isn't a girlie?
As you brought it up, can blokes go to Curves? I've no excuse now the baby is out.
What the...? Family? Special awards for ladies? What, are we that bloody delicate that we need special categories now. What a load of crap.
I'm going off now to have buttered toast and do a spot of patricarchy blaming.
Well, I think you're all very unfeminine and a disgrace to Womankind.
I am going to have a nice cup of tea, and knit a new wimple.
Oh, here we go... I blame Andrea Dworkin myself....
The word 'Blog' is an invention of patriarchy. *yawn* The embedded 'log' is so obviously code for the phallus. *yawn* 'Blog' also suggests 'bloke' in a really sneaky male way. *yawn* And of course everyone knows Joe Blogs, but who will give Joan Blogs her due? Oh... gee whiz, *yawn*...
Sweary, you're a contemporary Maria Edgeworth (have you ever seen Edgeworthstown, it is also an Arse end) give them hell...
Conan, you've opened up a conan of worms there. Or wimples. What is a wimple anyway? It sounds like some Salem witch trial name. Wimple Goodwife on her broomstick.
I think we all need a cup of tea. Conor can't have sugar in his though. He's on a diet and Curves is ladeez only. DISCRIMINATION!
As everyone knows, a 'post', in blogging terms, is analogous to the erect penis.
How do you accidentally throw something into the fire?
Oh, and I used to knit, and I got man parts so I do. Niche to see you, to see you, niche.
Eolai,
Lot's of wimmin I know have got 'man parts' - usually hacked off some unfortunate young fella with a rusty hatchet and kept in the handbag or in a box at the bottom of the wardrobe...
Oh Gawd. Why do I attract the loonies?
Anyway, I got annoyed with the knitting and threw it across the room, and, it being a light and unaimable kind of thing, it accidently went into the fire.
I agree with it all, especially Westlife getting knee-capped. A good Black and Decker hammer-action drill would do the job.
Errrm...all I want to say is..Ah feck,never mind.
The world would be a better place if we combined DIY with Westlife dekneecapitations. Yes.
HUZZAH! Well said
getting back to that outrageous blasphemy, if Jesus was a woman her and Mary Mag would be making the tea, picking up after the 12 disciples, nagging them as to why haven't they got jobs and taking slow motion showers together.
What about Best Scathing Wit? The award could be a bowlful of boyband kneecaps.
Really? Who can I bribe?
Stop nagging woman! You'll be happier if you post according to your nature. So we can expect posts about shoes and diets and minestrone cycles, yes?
Your favourite film of all time is Hope Floats. I don't even know what it's about it just sounds gay. Ooh actually no Steel Magnolias you fuckin love that film.
Oh and thanks for the mention on your sidebar sweetness.
The infamous NIOLK!! He's a bloody nerve showing up here since the last time I went looking for him I ended up in the Republic of Popup! Minestrone Cycles! - damn near choked on my oxtail!
Your favourite fillum of all time has to be Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe... btw, htf do you do italics??
Fried Green Tomatoes rocks. With the crazy bitch who cuts someone up and cooks him. I think.
For italics type: "{i} whatever you want italicised {/i>}" but use these brackets <> instead of these{}.
Thanks "Niolk"... now, explain why you've become the Prince of Popups?!
... unecessary quote... unquote...
Conan - spammers steal popular urls when people delete their blogs, hence why Niolk's is now overrun with cack instead of the quality postage we knew and loved.
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