"I don't want to stay in your house," La Teenager griped, on hearing of her temporary living arrangements. "Your house is gay."
"What? Tastefully decorated and quirky?" beamed La Aunt. "Why, thank you!"
Cue La Teenager rolling her eyes and shouting "You're such a freak!" and stomping from the room,
It may seem strange that in this era of open sexuality and acceptance, teenagers are missing the whole point in being gay. Far from sticking to the stereotype by being, say, flirty and outgoing and vibrant, if a teenager calls you gay you're probably being thought of as boring, outdated, and smelling of mothballs. In other words, straight. Straight as a buttoned-up yardstick in a neck brace. Another reason to believe that teenagers really are a bunch of fucking twatheads? Or masters of irony? I'll quite happily rofl at someone typing "lolz u hav teh gay" on a message board, because that's so laden with teenage-directed snidery that it's spilling into its used-by-date. Stupid teenagers. Like sex, drugs and rock n' roll, the art of the insult is something teenagers should avoid, because they're ruining it for the rest of us. Mood swings are wasted on the spotty, you know.
See, today parents were reminded by the Crisis Pregnancy Agency to be more open about sex; and about time too, if the average stab at sex education has done nothing but blind teenagers to the cliched fun in homosexuality. For God's sake, hasn't Queer Eye For The Straight Guy taught us anything? A gay person wouldn't be caught dead in a gay house!
Still, maybe it's about time gay people got cold-shouldered by awkward-limbed weanlings. It's happened to the square, the lame, the gimps, the psychos, and the mongoloids. I think that about covers all of society; let's just face it - we're all shite.
11 comments:
You suspend a dichotmoy with such an arresting turn of phrase, you lead by example, the dance on the page, score and trace, compells the eye to amaze almost in disbeleif at what you are doing in language. Easy to dismiss as the insanity of mad wo/men in full sweary force, flow and flush; but i fear this would be tantamount to an an act declaring war one ones fictional secret self, the spacer within outfacing the imaginary foe in the poker game of speech, a coded nod and dumb show of wink and complicity to say not what is on yer mind, in the most exciting online talk-shop in which the most distinquished of internet illuminati war and whirr a background printed grace sounding in the eternal continuum, itself but a speck of indivisible neutron in the overall pan-eternal plan for all and nothing, omphalos and furthest flood terminae within the inner space, the eternity of mind which our enobled leader and her taniaste have been in executive dialogue with various representitives of agencies and forces, beyond the border of our young yet vibrant community here, and it has been agreed as leader, in an emergency measure whereby I as assistant dictator, have hereby been appointed interim executive officer of the bog, keep our precious gift safe from the trolls who have made declarations tantamount to war on our nation, in a flagrant disregard for world peace and attempt to steal our dream of Love and turn it to hate. And protected by our leader, I will not waver in the push toward freedom, sweary is no mug, ask not what you can do for sweary.
For it is with a sad and heavy heart i speak today, as an act of the utmost audacious betrayal occured earlier today, a dream was murdered on the cobbles of..on the island where fiction is king, queen and gay is our gait, freely we kiss, for too soon we come, to fleet we swear and herr swaers' assistant, the uniquely amazing moi, was ran through today by a citizen of our dictatorship, who had freely entered, been accorded nought but aid, assistance and the Love of our Father and Mother Herr Firhess Swaers
forgive me sweary for i have sinned
this is my sin
not Loving others enough and having unnatural thoughts of greater responsibility within the wider sweary machine, to become your right hand hand rag and displace kav from his position as premier fawn and agreement gob. For i can affirm any wish and whim whatsoever for herr furhess, and help him lead us to the promised utopia of utter sweary force and sheer good aul boyness that all men of freedom knew. Brave Connachta Ebda kenny, proud ebda, loving eb, think not on enda broken by an unforgiving light of berties silver laurel locks when an empire fell at the hand of winston and the illegal governments of tyrants FDR, winston and stalin..here most generous and benign of all loving peacful facists, his most holie royal and eternal herr Hail swearsy.heil mein furher sweary sirr!! fear not the cold cut of frozen limbs as they are hacked from the anima mundi, ghost flit moon and antlers lock in rut, hind and doe with timid fawn, citizens all beneath the warm blue glow of herr furhess let moi lead you into a less fair, more intolerent space and climate of synaptic terror, and arise today at the inaugral midweek address, for there are a host of shade encircling us as we speak, personalities from other workspaces who we have had numerous personal grudges with over the years, move - asending to premier online bore status, lost within the vast haystack of resignation speeches i have made down the years as an unstoppable gob of almost insane yeatsean standard and class, let me lead you out from the wilderness and to a new dawn, a phoenix of hate is attempting to rise within herr sweary, hail moi, hail background space and remove sweary now in a coup de grace, storm the barricade down with herr sweary arse end moaner, PHONE NOW!!!
Shit I was just about to say that, ah well happy 12th July.
Is background artist actually Emma Jane?
Yeah, but calling something gay is funny. What's your favourite swear word, at the moment I'm quite partial to fannywagon and bitchface, both so inane and stupid it makes my sneer and slight smile.
*a slight smile
What the fek was all that shite about? Not you, Sweary, I mean the stalker/spammer lad.
Anyway. Weanlings is a perfect description for teens. 100 out of 10!
Stalker on drugs there, Sweary???? LSD I'd guess.
I'm sick of my teenagers describing things as "gay" - cups, shirts, songs, television programmes, books, jokes, hair, cars, shoes - and most of all ME! Jeez, I never knew!
I just had a peek at that dude! Nine blogs! Nine!
He's sooooooo ghey!
Your last sentence was a revelation to me which has just now changed my world. You know, one day a rain is gonna come and wash all the scum off the streets. I'm shaving my head right now. I'm a multitasker.
Sweary - what are you saying - there are no gays in Ireland - sure why d'ya think I had to leave? I was run out of the place.
Gay is the new square! You are so right.
I have kids under 12 in my estate calling after me "are you taking the mick" for telling them they were taking the mick for opening my gate to skate down my drive instead of saying you're taking the piss. And I thought I was being responsible hence I'm a square.
Post a Comment