I've just finished the clean up from Mini Me's 7th birthday party (7! Already! What larks!), so I'm too tired to give you anything along the lines of considered debate. The party was manic. 7-year-old girls abounded, bawling through a Singstar Disney marathon and competing in the personal injury stakes with protracted games of Twister. Five boys showed up too, so there's no cake left. There are, however, many packets of Salt and Vinegar crisps.
I don't understand the sale of Salt and Vinegar crisps. I mean, it's a bit specialist, isn't it? Salt and vinegar? That's like a great big bag of wince and pucker. It's self-flagellation in a foil pack. In an ideal world, putting something so thirst-inducing in your mouth that your tongue shrivels and drops off would be seen as a diabolical method of extracting information from foreign terrorists. I mean, really. Salt and vinegar crisps. Fuck me.
They're always on shop shelves too, right beside the Cheese n' Onion, promoted as a viable alternative and an everyday snack. Surely they should be relegated to a curiosity - Limited Edition, like turkey and stuffing, or sausage, or cheesecake or fucking jam sandwich flavour crisps or something. That way we could sate the weirdos who actually eat Salt and Vinegar crisps (because everyone has a weird inclination in there somewhere) and free up the shelves for something less likely to cause your gums to recede back into your skull.
Because there I was, see, trying to fill a bowl with crisps for the visiting 7-year-olds, and coming up with packet after packet of Balsamic Heart Attack flavour which could not be added to said bowl for fear of lawsuits. Why add Salt and Vinegar crisps to variety packs? I mean, c'mon! Who's eating these fucking things? WHO?
Right. Coherent services will resume tomorrow.
Monday, December 15, 2008
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20 comments:
I adore the bloody things, such I need to ration myself. Must be something to do with the famine & genetic memory, something. And anyway there is worse out there. Marmite(English, nuff said) & its sister Vegimite something only lunatic Aussies can process in the gut. And what about lunch meat, that very odd sandwich filler. People eat that stuff, they MUST be colour blind.
They put them in the 'variety' packs because it's the only way they can get rid of 'em.
Any day now the Kelloggs variety packs will contain a salt and vinegar cereal. You have been warned. Happy 7th to Mini-Thee.
I like salt and vinegar crisps, ON OCCASION. Is there something wrong with me Oh Sweary One?
In other news, after downing 10 too many sambucas last night, I dreamt there was a 3 car pile up in our hometown last night. Hey presto, driving up the town this morning, what did I come upon! Yup!
Thought you were jokeing. I was waiting for the punchline. I thought everyone loved salt and vinegar.
Salt and vinegar is the standard accompaniment to a bag of chips, so you can see why they'd have continued the flavour to crisps. Now: explain cheese and onion to me. All that shit does is make your breath stink. And you know what else does that? Tea. Fuck tea. I like a bottle of Coke with my blue Hunky Dories.
If everyone loves salt and vinegar, why are they the only ones left in the bottom of the variety packs? Conan is correct. And eating blue Hunky Dory's is insane. INSANE. Your tastebuds must be broken. I should see a mouth doctor if I were you.
Those posh Jonathan Crisp crisps are the only salt and vinegar crisps worth eating... salt and CIDER vinegar. Christ they're amazing. But blue packets of Taytos, Hunkys or Perri's? No. No thank you. What weirdos you all are.
I'm partial to chilli crisps me. And cheese n' onion. The halitosis is worth it. Proper taytos with a purple snack bar... the taste of my childhood.
Wurz, are you psychic now? This alarms me.
I must disagree, my learned friend. Perri crisps were the best, they used not have any MSG in them. Eh, that's not txt spk 4 'message' btw. MSG is the stuff in crisps that makes your gums fizz and then ulcerate as they creep away from your teeth. I'm convinced there's more in S&V than any other variety.
Salt & Vinegar Taytos are my fave, way more interesting to eat than Cheese n Onion!! It confuses my tiny mind when I see Walkers' crisps, cos their Cheese n Onion are in a blue pack.
Salt and vinegar crisp and salad cream sandwiches are a niche luxury..
In oor hoose it is the boring mean minded salted packets that lay there waiting to disappoint the younger members of the clan. Although a bit of improvisation with a pickled onion can get us through to the next visit to Lidl....
>why are they the only ones
>left in the bottom of the
>variety packs?
Really!? Can I come to the 8th birthday party please?
I had a packet of Hunky Doreys salt n vinegar last night, hence why I am psychic. Try it.
Perri crisps were the best, Conan. Just not the blue ones.
I am also in agreement that Walkers should be made to change their colour schemes, as it'd wreck your head/taste buds trying to find the flavour you need without your reading spectacles. But the notion that Salt and Vinegar taytos are more interesting? Well, if by interesting you mean you never know which one is going to kill you...
I'll send you some, John. If there are any left after my planned salad cream experiment, I mean.
Cheese and onion eaters are like smokers.
If they could only get a whiff of themselves after they indulged they'd, well, they'd most likely have another pack to numb the shame.
Lies and slander!
We whiff of classiness. Especially after Cheese N' Unnon Hunky Dorys
Jonathon Frisps of any flavour are Truly Amazing, much to the detriment of my pocket, what are they, a euro a pack?
I have to confess that I love to use salt&vinegar crisps as an additional filler in a cheese sandwich. Delicious. I'm not quite so keen on eating them on their own though.
Are you mad? a rhetorical question.
Salt and Vinegar are God's gift to mankind. Maybe because God is protestant is the reason you don't like them.
I can't wait for Egg and Onion
God is not a Protestant! And even if he was into protesting things, it'd be worthy causes like SALT AND VINEGAR CRISPS TAKING UP VALUABLE SPACE IN THE SHOPS!
salt & vinegar are yummy. I'm not sure about the salad cream sandwich but I'd try it. Is salad cream still available and if so is it the same as it always was?
I thought it was only fancy salad 'dressings' that were available these days.
Anyway, as I think someone already mentioned, salted crisps are the real culprits. Just salt. No vinegar. Now thats fucking weird
I like ready salted. It's all trousers.
And yeah, you can still get salad cream; I bought a bottle of it a while back in order to relive my student days; it didn't go well. I'd forgotten how utterly awful salad cream is. Don't be swayed by 80's memories, food fans!
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